I have met a man on DatingAgency.com. For the last month we have been casually sending instant and text messages for a few weeks and though it’s all very pleasant, I want more. He says he’s busy, he has a very demanding job and two teenaged children that he has sole care of. I think he likes me, and I know I like him, though we are yet to meet in the flesh.

I would like to meet with him, but I am afraid If I do the asking he will think I am pushing things and coming on too strong. I am not very good at taking rejection, and I wonder, should I wait for him to make the first move or should I just take the bull by the horns and get on with it?

Hannah, 52 (Name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Hi Hannah, thank you for sending your query in. I get a lot of questions like this, so you are not alone! Some people approach online dating quite differently from others, and depending on what you are looking for in the long run, could differ from the next person.

Some people join online dating websites to fall in love, some people just want someone to chat with or to make friends, and some people are open to anything. While it sounds like you are open to starting a serious relationship, the man you have met, may not be ready for that.

He obviously likes you otherwise he wouldn’t have spent time messaging you for the past two months. You didn’t say how often you talk to him, but I am assuming it is a substantial amount for you to have realised you’d like to take things further with him.

In the first instance, you need to address your own confidence issues. You fear rejection, for whatever reason I do not know, but with online dating there can be an element of hiding behind your computer or mobile phone and not showing your true feelings. Online dating is wonderful for meeting new friends and potential partners, but you won’t get far if you are not confident in yourself and able to take a few little risks.

Assuming you have read the signals correctly, have you ever considered that this man may be feeling exactly the same as you? He might also be worried of scaring you off if he asks you out on a date.
Generally, people will not be offended if you suggest a first date before they are ready. In our experience, the other person would offer an excuse but continue communicating. If this happens, wait a few days (continuing the instant messaging or texts) and then ask again.

Unless a good reason is given for not meeting, don’t ask more than two or three times. A grown man (or woman if the man is asking) can decide in a few weeks if he would like to meet you. Your time is valuable and should be used to communicate with people truly interested in meeting you.

I hope this helped you to come to a decision about what to do. Let us know how it goes, and good luck!

Shall I tell you how it went?

Well, first things first, I’ll tell you how I found myself this date! I was re-writing my profile (which I have done four times so far – you’ve got to keep it fresh!) and I saw that DatingAgency.com had suggested a member in the ‘featured member’ box. Well, in full flow of writing to the men of the world about my personality traits and most loved activities in life, I clicked on his very handsome face and had a read of his profile. It sounded very very promising, plus he lived in the next town from me, so that is very convenient indeed!

I stalked him online for a little while (in a casual and aloof manner you have to understand) and decided after a couple of days of reading and re-reading his profile, sent him a ‘wink’. To my delight, he reciprocated and sent me a rather nice message.

“Hi, I am very flattered to receive your wink, would you like to have a quick chat when you are online next? I like what you said in your profile and looks like we have a lot in common. Speak to you soon? T”

He didn’t call himself T, one of my pet-hates is to abbreviate ones name, I have protected his name for the purpose of this diary post! I don’t one anyone nabbing my man!

Anyway, how could I resist his offer of a chat, seems like a nice man!! Plus what have I to lose?

We spent a couple of days missing each other as we both have pretty busy schedules, but we managed to exchange a few casual emails about the basic things, like how we came to be dating online (without going in to the gory details of the past, thankfully) and what we like to do at the weekends, all that boring smalltalk!

I decided after a couple of days of emailing that it’s kind of pointless to keep on asking questions over the internet, so I just asked him outright …

“Would you like to meet up sometime soon? There’s a nice pub near us that do a good merlot!”

I’m not getting any younger, and I was getting a good feeling from our conversation so I decided to cut to the chase and ask him out! Considering I have not been on a date for about two hundred years, I was suprisingly calm doing the asking.

This feeling of calm did not however follow through to the day of the date! I became a nervous wreck!

I was petrified about wearing something too young, or too old, or too short, or too tight! I decided to pay a little visit to my daughters house to see what she thought of my outfit choices. She was grinning as I was trying everything on and explaining my reasonings for each item. She kept looking at me in a way that said “Oh Mum, you’re going on a date….with a man!!!!” She was very enthusiastic, and gave me lots of advice, and I even ended up borrowing a couple of items from her. Not a pair of hotpants or high heels if that’s what you are thinking!

I ended up wearing a pair of nicely cut jeans and my daughters blouse with a fitted jacket and nice necklace. Despite my daughter trying to get me in her sexy shoes, I went for my tried and trusted flat shoes as I didn’t want to trip through the door in to the lap of my date! I felt confident that no wardrobe malfunctions were going to happen with this outfit which gave me a boost of self confidence and in turn started to look forward to the date!

Now to report how the date itself went…

It contained awkward silences, differs of opinions, heated debates, uncomfortable moments when splitting the bill, and generally turned out to be a bit of a disaster!! How about the bit when the button of my daughters blouse undid itself and I sat there for at least 30 minutes showing my brassiere? Teaches me to not road test the outfit before the date!

Despite this turbulent first meeting, T has asked me out again, and I have accepted! Even though the date didn’t go very well, there was a very strong and undeniable spark between us! Our differing opinions on worldly matters and heated debates were very stimulating. I have actually never met a man that had an intelligent opinion about anything and that is able to keep up with my dry and sometimes cynical humour.

I figured the tumbleweed moments were just normal and the awkward splitting the bill thing – I will overlook!

I am very excited to see T again, and this time, I will wear something I am confident won’t fall apart and show off my underwear, and make sure I have done my homework on public affairs so the awkward silences don’t happen!

I’ll let you know how it’s going next month!

From your feedback we understand that searching through thousands of profiles on DatingAgency.com can sometimes be a little daunting, as well as very time consuming! An Icebreaker is a message that any DatingAgency.com Member can send (for FREE) to hundreds of people in their area all in one go, introducing themselves and getting lots of attention from all the right people in the process.

Icebreakers have divided opinions in the past. Some people see them as impersonal and ill-thought out and some Members feel they get too many of them in their inbox. In reality, if thought about and executed well, an Icebreaker message can easily attract a lot of attention from potential partners.

To send an Icebreaker message to people you are interested in hearing from, go to the member search and select the age range, the location and even the length of hair that attracts you if you like! Hit search and a list of suitable members will appear. On the top right of the search results, you will be able to see a box which lets you compose your icebreaker message.

You must have a fully completed profile, including a photo in order to send an Ice Breaker. This is so that you get the best results; we know that the Members on DatingAgency.com are 10 times more likely to respond if they can see your photo!

Where to start?

To help you get through to more people via an Icebreaker message, follow these simple tips:

1. Compose your message in a word processing program and use a spell check just incase you have made an error or two. Even the best writers can make mistakes.
2. Keep it short and sweet. An intriguing message is key!
3. Be confident about yourself, never mention anything negative, like past bad relationship experiences on or off the site.
4. Don’t be derogatory or rude or express strong opinions. Leave those until you know the person better!
5. Really sell yourself but in a non arrogant way. Spend some time thinking about your best personality traits and what you love doing in your spare time.

Here are a few icebreaker examples to get the ball rolling:

“I like to walk my dog at the weekends and visit my family at the coast. If you are interested in joining me one weekend, why not send me a message?”

“Hi, I’m new to the site. I’m looking for a friend to join me for dinner once or twice a week.  I’m a tall, well-travelled man looking to meet an interesting lady with a great sense of humour. Send me a message if you like the look of me.”

“I am a fun-loving and active man looking for someone who shares my love of nature and the outdoors. I like the look of your profile and would love to chat if the feeling’s mutual.”

“I am a young at heart, and generous lady, looking to share long walks in the country and cosy pub lunches with an active and fun-loving man. Please take a look at my profile and send me a message if you’d like to chat.”

“Hello! I am new to the site. I am a petite and curvy lady who loves to go to see French movies and eat fine food. If you would like to join me sometime, let me know!”

“I live near the beach and enjoy watching the sun set as I walk my dog by the sea. It can be a bit lonely just me and the dog, so maybe you’d like to join us some time?”

Don’t wait for someone to make the first move – put yourself out there, have fun getting to know lots of new people and increase your chances of finding someone special.

Now get writing, hundreds of members near you are waiting for your message!

I am a divorcee of ten years now, and after embarking on the online dating scene, have found a really great man on DatingAgency.com. I really feel like our relationship might be going somewhere. We really click, and have real respect for each other. He is unlike any man I have ever met, which might sound a bit over the top, but he is so attentive, caring and has integrity, which can’t be said for many men in my life in the past.

Anyway, the time came for him to meet my daughter, who is 22 now. We all met at her favourite restaurant which I thought would settle her just in case she was feeling nervous about meeting my new partner. To my shock, she acted like a completely different person. My charming and caring daughter turned into a cutting and smart-lipped madam, who I must confess, has really surprised and hurt me.

After the meal, I politely said my goodbyes to my daughter (as we live in different parts of town) and then set about really apologising to my new partner for her bad behavior. He was so shocked, as was I, as I was convinced she would like him as much as I do.

Later that evening, my daughter text messaged me and told me simply that she didn’t like Simon, she felt he was a creep and that I could do better.

I am so hurt and upset by her reaction, but I wonder, am I expecting too much from her? Throughout my daughters life, I have put her first, without a doubt, and she recognises this, but I feel it is time for some me time and for me to get my life back. I really like Simon, and I don’t want my daughter to come between us. Do you have any advice for someone in my position, as I am really stuck here.

Karen (name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Well, Karen, what a predicament to be in. I do feel for you, but you are not alone. I have had a few questions like this in the past and hope I can offer you some comfort in my reply.

Firstly, your daughter, though she is a grown adult herself, needs reassurance that she is deeply loved and that your new partner, Simon, will not be taking the role of her dad. You didn’t mention if her dad is still in her life, but if he is, then it is important that you make this clear from the start.

Secondly, depending on how deeply you feel for Simon, you need to assure her that you plan on being with him for a long while and it (all going great) will be a long term relationship. She may not be bothered to get to know him or like him because she might think he is a temporary fixture. It might seem like disruption that she can do without, and might not take things seriously.

You say you have been divorced for ten years, and this may seem a long time to you, but in a child’s life (even if they are well in to their adult life now) can be very unsettling for many years and can really mould them and their thoughts about their own relationships. They might be skeptical and dismissive of your relationship with this new man, but more often than not, mainly act strange because it is really strange to see their parent with another partner who is not their mum or dad.

I am not sure how much you have talked about him with your daughter before they first met, but this can be unsettling if she didn’t know much about him and what you see in him deep down. She might see him as ‘this guy’ that you have been seeing, and not realise that you really do feel a lot for him. Hence why you wanted her to meet him.

I recommend the next thing to do is to wait a little while until you talk to your daughter about it all, give her some time to settle down a bit. Then invite her to chat to you about it in the comfort of her or your home. Explain to her exactly what you see in Simon, let her in a little bit and she will be able to see how happy he makes you. She can also voice her thoughts or concerns and you can talk them through in private before you take the next steps and with time, try again. She will want to see you happy, and will come round to things eventually.

One last thing; do remember through all of this to make sure that you not only give your daughter some of your time, your new partner some of your time, and reserve some time for yourself also.

Good luck with your new happier life, and I am so pleased you have met someone on DatingAgency.com.

Show those pearly whites and laugh often

There is nothing sexier than a beaming smile. Smiling will lift your spirits and is scientifically proven to relieve stress by allowing your brain to produce endorphins. Laughter is the best medicine for low self-esteem and best of all, it’s free. Why don’t you get out and do things with the people that make you laugh, watch a funny movie or go and see a comedy act?

Stand up straight

When you walk down the street, stand tall and don’t slouch. Throw those shoulders back and hold your head up high. Not only does it make other people notice you, but studies show that looking up can immediately improve your mood.

Change One Thing About Your Look

It doesn’t need to be a big change, maybe dye your hair, or buy a new shirt. To make a big statement you don’t have to spend lots of money or go all out. Even subtle things like changing the way you wear your hair or trying a new perfume or aftershave can make a big difference to the way you feel. You don’t have to change everything about your look, but one or two updates can attract many compliments that will make you feel great. And remember when you receive a compliment, make sure you accept it gracefully!

Stop a bad habit

Aim to stop smoking, fidgeting or to stop biting your nails. A bad habit can take up your time, and when you stop, you’ll have some free time on your hands. This means you can make space for something new and exciting or have more time to spend on something you already love to do.

Stop caring about what other people think of you

Don’t spend another moment caring about what others think of you. Your only care is to know what you think of yourself and make sure that you give yourself approval all the time. Remember that you are great as you are, warts and all and as long as you are happy with yourself and your actions, that’s all that matters.

Why are the females, well let’s say 99.8% of the females on DatingAgency.com, not replying to a personal email. I find this very rude.

I have even started asking for a reply even if it’s just “no thanks”. After all, we are all here looking for a relationship, so it should not be a problem.

If the ladies on here don’t start replying I shall finish with this site.”

Bob (Name changed)
DatingAgency.com Member

Hi Bob,

Thank you for sending in your query to me, and sorry to hear you are having trouble with getting noticed on DatingAgency.com. Hopefully I can offer some advice for you to put in to practice in the future.

It’s like shopping …

Someone I know spends hours in the supermarket, scrutinizing every item, looking at the ingredients, looking at the fat content, looking at the price. I am not comparing you to a can of reduced sugar baked beans, but this kind of scrutiny is what the women are doing to all men on the site.

A lady receives a message from a man, a stranger by all other means, and all they have to go on is what you have in your profile, what you say in your message, and your picture. Women tend to be shy, women don’t like to put themselves out there for any old guy, women like to be sure. In your dating profile, all the vital information needs to be there so that they are satisfied you are not an axe murderer and hopefully feel safe messaging you back. Change your picture and your personal profile from time to time. Keep it fresh, short, error free, positive and honest.

A way to get your message to stand out in a lady’s inbox is to add a gift to a message or add them as a favourite, this way, the system will send a different alert to the person and get their attention.

Think of it like applying for a job

It would be great to receive a personal reply, even if a no, but the reality of the fact is, that most people, if they are not interested, won’t reply and say no thanks. It’s easier for someone to ignore a message and hope the person gets the hint than to say ‘no, you’re not my type’. You could think of this process like applying for jobs, you send your CV to 20 potential employers, and you normally only hear back from a couple. You might receive one call for an interview, and the other one was a ‘thanks but no thanks’. Like jobs, the right kind of person is out there, and takes time, effort and research to find them!

Ask and you will get

Imagine you are in a pub or the supermarket, you walk up to a nice looking lady and you say “Hi, I like your dress”. She says ‘Erm, thanks’ and gives you a slight embarrassed smile. Unless you are George Clooney, she most likely wants you to go away.

If you go up to her and say “Hi, I see you have a fitness magazine there, you don’t happen to know where the nearest fitness club is?” She will most likely reply “Yes I do …” and the conversation (if only for a moment) can start on something you both have in common, and it won’t embarrass her in front of any of her friends or family. You can end the conversation by saying “Nice chatting to you, maybe see you in here again”. Saying something casual like this, lets her know you go there often, and if she is interested in chatting some more, that maybe she’ll catch you in there again.

If you apply this to the way you message people on DatingAgency, you will be sure to get more replies. Ask someone where they were in their profile picture because it looks familiar to you, or ask them what breed of dog they have if they talk about walking their dog. Ask simple but related questions, and you will receive simple replies to build a conversation on.

One last thing…

I suggest being considerate to a woman’s feelings on ‘talk of sex’ so early on. A man should not lead with something like this as a selling point or a suggestion of further actions until some emails have gone back and forth, and you are MUCH more comfortable with each other.

I hope some of this helps you out, and if you have any further questions about DatingAgency.com, please call our friendly customer services team on 0800 987 5555 free from a landline, or email us here.

If you have a question to ask Dr Date, email him here.

What is a 419 Scam?

419 represents a type of scam typically used by Nigerian scam artists. The most common tactics used for this type of scam include:

• Romance Scam- the 419er has fallen madly in love with the target but in order for them to be together, the target must send various amounts of money so that the 419er can fly over and be with them.
• Will Scam- the 419er has inherited a large amount of money which they are offering to the target for a certain fee.
• Disaster Scam- the 419er says that someone has been killed in a tragic accident, leaving a large sum of money behind which can be claimed by the target if the 419er can be advanced the monies necessary to process the transaction.
• Chat Room Scam- the 419er meets the target online in a chat room or through a dating or instant messenger online service, befriends the target, and gets the target to advance him / her monies for various reasons

All of the above scam tactics are used daily in the internet dating world…but surely the public don’t fall for these tricks, do they??? Yes they do – in fact 8,503 cases have been reported across 152 countries in 2009 alone. This adds up to a whopping $9.3 billion (£5.7 billion).

Luckily for us we have our trusty in-house Moderation team who fight off the scammers 7 days a week to keep our members safe. Hooray!

The team consists of 4 full-timers and 7 part-timers who ensure that all scammers are removed from our sites before making contact with any members. They have been trained to pick up on everything from “scammerish” photos and sob stories, down to their grammar and jargon. We seldom see scammers pass our Moderation checks but if they do manage, we will always find them through various daily fraud checks.

Having a moderation team here at DatingAgency.com means that our members can browse the site and build online relationships without the added worry of being targeted by scammers. We do love a happy ending!

Read how you can keep yourself safe whilst dating online with DatingAgency.com.

Here at DatingAgency.com we pride ourselves on having the best possible measures in place to combat online fraud and keep our Members safe. Here are a few reasons why DatingAgency.com is better placed to combat scammers and fraudsters:

Dedicated Scammer Prevention Team

We have a dedicated team in our UK offices that check through all member profiles, photos and first messages for your reassurance and safety! They are trained in spotting those undesirable scammers and block their access to the site straight away.

Payment for Full Membership required

Scammers are reluctant to pay to run their scams and are therefore much more likely to join a free site than to go through the process of upgrading their DatingAgency.com account as the more serious members looking for friendships and commitments do.

Technology & Real People Combating Scammers!

Sometimes (although rarely) more sophisticated scammers bypass our prevention team – we of course have measures in place to deal with this – we use sophisticated software to alert us to a member whose activity seems suspicious.

We listen to our Members

Finally, if anyone does slip through the net there is a simple one-click system for Members to report anyone who they think is suspicious or who has contacted them with anything other than dating in mind. Just use the “Report this profile” link at the bottom of the person’s profile and in no time at all one of our team will be examining the offending profile.

We know that by telling our Members about what’s going on and how we’re combating “undesirables” it makes it all the more easy for them to spot fraudsters and avoid being caught up in any trouble. Click here for some basic advice and rules on how to spot and avoid such scams.

Follow these few simple check points and you’ll have nothing to worry about:

Passwords

As with any login information, choose a password that you can easily remember but that would be difficult for anyone else to guess. Childrens’ names are easy to remember but could be quite straightforward for someone who knows you to guess. Passwords such as “password”, “123456″ or “qwerty” or a definite no-no, as is you own name! DatingAgency.com will never send you e-mail asking for your password, so if you get anything like this, please forward it on to us.

Personal information

We all want to appear open and friendly when we’re meeting new people, but we should also be careful to make sure we want someone to have our information before giving it out. DatingAgency.com has a wonderful messaging system which means you don’t need to give out any contact information at all until you’re happy to, so don’t be afraid to tell someone that you’d rather stick to the on-site system for a bit longer. If they’re genuine then they won’t have a problem.

Scammers

You should treat people in much the same way online as you do in the real world. If someone you barely know asks to borrow money or asks for any sort of financial details whatsoever, then alarm bells should start to ring. You wouldn’t expect someone you met in the pub last week to ask for money, and you shouldn’t expect it online either. If you have any such contact from another Member then you should use the “Report this profile” link to alert our team.

Personal safety

There’s plenty of advice knocking around for when meeting up with someone you’ve met online, but the bottom line is that you should always stay in control. Meet in a public place, tell someone when and where you’re going, and arrange to call them at a given time to confirm all’s going well. If your date is worth their salt, they will completely understand and, rather than having a problem with your caution, will probably just be impressed at how well organised you are.

Don’t panic!

When all’s said and done, the vast majority of people you meet online will be genuine people just like you who are simply looking for a date, a bit of fun and maybe a chance of finding the love of their life. Unfortunately, it’s best to plan for the worst and then allow people to prove themselves otherwise, but don’t let the occasional dodgy character spoil your enjoyment. Just be aware that there is the odd one out there and exercise a little caution, as you would in any other place where you’re meeting new people.

This is the best way for other members to get to know you and what you are looking for. Include those things that you care about: your hobbies, interests and any activities you love to do. They all help start those all important first conversations.

For example if you love to travel, mention some of your favourite destinations; if you enjoy cooking then include some of your trademark dishes or restaurants you love to go too. This way you are letting members know of some common ground that you may both share.

Be informative when describing yourself and try to include as much of your personality: are you bubbly, conscientious, outgoing, thoughtful?

Don’t forget to include what you are looking for in a partner, any characteristics or interests you are hoping they have. This will help members to know if they are a potential match for you.

Remember that this is your chance to promote yourself so include those things that make you the special and unique person you are. Be honest and positive and above all have fun writing your profile, if you enjoy writing it then someone will enjoy reading it.

If you’d still like some help then think about our suggestions above first and then call us free on 0800 987 5555. Please note this number is only in use between 9am and 5.30pm Monday to Friday.